Fruitful Labor

If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me.  Philippians 1:22

The other day, I was doing my routine towel check at the YMCA, when I shot up a prayer.  Lord, if you want me to continue working here, will you show me that there is fruitful labor for me to do?  

Yep.  That was it.  A quick thought passed through my brain, and I just let it fly to the heavens.  A simple prayerful thought.

I guess I was feeling a bit lacking in purpose at the moment.  I’ve been working in different capacities at the YMCA since the spring of 2013.  I started by teaching indoor cycling classes, and then, last spring, I was asked to instruct some core-training classes.  I enjoy teaching the classes, and I have no doubt it is something God has prepared me to do.  I love being able to encourage others toward fitness and overall wellness.  It’s a very gratifying task for me.

Recently, I have taken on hours in the Wellness Center as well, and this has been a role that involves less direct interaction with clients.  I have begun to get to know some of the regulars who come to work out on my shifts.  The job is enjoyable in that I do get to meet new people and again use what I have learned to encourage and instruct others.  But then there are those lulls – like Sunday afternoons during the Packer game – when nothing much is happening.  There are very few people coming in, and I’m left to polish the equipment more thoroughly and keep on top of the laundry.  Feels, at times, a lot like what I do here at home.  So I guess that’s why the thought came to mind:  Is this where you want me, Lord?

I returned from my towel run, and I resumed wiping down equipment.  I moved to the mirrored wall by the free weights, and I began polishing it up when I overheard a conversation going on behind me.  Three guys were standing around the bench press.  One of the men, who we’ll refer to as Joe, was telling the other two guys that he had ended his relationship with his girlfriend.  After 8 dates, he had had enough.  It was Jesus this, and Jesus that!  It was driving him crazy.  She was always listening to Christian music, and every one of her movies was some kind of Christian message.  All she and her friends would talk about was God.  It was a bit too much.  Joe lamented on and on about how she was all about Jesus and he just isn’t into all that.  Even though he really liked her a lot, it just wasn’t gonna work.

Then Joe looked toward me, and said, “Man, she’s working hard over there.”  I looked up and realized he was talking about me.  I had interacted with Joe before.  He is the kind of guy who loves to yuck it up and get some banter going, so I said, “Well, you know, somebody’s gotta keep the place shining, and Sunday’s are quiet enough, I don’t get in anyone’s way.”

Then I felt compelled to step over by them, and suddenly out of my own mouth came words I hadn’t really prepared in advance. “You know,” I said tentatively.
“I overheard you talking about your girlfriend.  It makes me sad to hear that her faith caused division.  Christianity is all about love and unity.”  I wasn’t sure what to expect in response, when one of his friends gave me a knowing glance as if to say, “Thank you!  I haven’t known quite how to respond to Joe’s issues with God.”  I shot up another silent prayer.

Joe said, “Oh.  Are you one of those Christians, too?”  I said, “Well, yes.  And I can relate to what you’re saying.  Actually, I can relate from both sides.  I had friends and family that were over-zealous in trying to pull me into their faith, and that just drove me further away.  And I’ve also been the over-zealous one, who, once I found a Savior, felt it was my job to be the savior for everyone I loved.  But now, I realize, I can’t be anyone’s savior.”

Heads were nodding all around.  Then Joe said, “Well, I really liked this gal, but it just got to be too much.  Ya know, I grew up Catholic and all, but I just don’t think it needs to be all that Praising God stuff.  It’s too much.  Besides, she kept saying that God helped me to do this and helped me to do that.  I don’t give God no credit for things I’ve done.  Maybe I should, but I just figure I did it myself.  I quit drinking so much and smoking, and I started getting in shape on my own.  God didn’t do nothin’ for me.”

I said, “Well, your girlfriend and her friends likely have had God do something huge for them, and when you have that kind of personal experience, it’s hard to keep quiet about it.  He’s done amazing things for me, and yeah, I am continually grateful, but I suppose I don’t run around shouting Praise Jesus, but I’m thinking it all the time.”  My brother in Christ smiled and nodded.   We’ll call him, Lou.

Lou added, “Yep.  I consider myself a born-again Christian, and I am very grateful to God for ways He’s personally blessed me, but yeah, I don’t always talk about it.  But I do know He’s gotten me through the toughest days, and I’m glad I have Him to lean on now.”

Joe looked at me and said, “Well, yeah, but I think folks can put their faith in stuff that is just not even real.  I mean, I could say a monkey helped me do this or that just as easily.”

A sudden wave of grief hit my spirit.  I prayed quick, and then I said, “Well, see, but that’s because you haven’t had that personal experience with God.  Maybe He’s wanted to step in to your circumstances, but you have not yet been open to Him or acknowledged Him.  I don’t know.  But I do know that my faith is in a Real God.  And I have no doubt in the least that He has spoken directly to me and my situations.  I could tell you stories you wouldn’t believe.

Awkward silence…

The three men were staring at me, like, “Okay.  Do tell.”  So I said, “Let me give an example.  A few years ago, I had been enduring the nightmare of nightmares.  My whole world seemed upside down.  It is a long story, but basically, my integrity was under attack, and it seemed that no matter what I did, someone was complaining and accusing me.

I ran the Boston Marathon that year, and I was still hanging on to faith because God kept speaking to me in that season.  For the marathon, I had two Bible verses that I took along on the run.  Nehemiah 8:10 “The joy of the Lord is my strength.”  And Psalm 18:33 “He gives me feet like the feet of the deer; He enables me to tread on the heights!”  These were verses that had blessed me in the previous year, and so I held on to them as encouragement and strength for my soul as I ran.

“I ended up running a PR race that day.  As I crossed the finish line, I was considering standing around awhile, because I didn’t want to cross so soon.  My goal was 3:23, a sentimental number, and I ran it in 3:19.  But I had a whisper of a thought cross my mind as my feet were compelled across the line, 3:19 will mean something to you soon. Finish! 

Okay, Lord.

“About two weeks later, I was hit with another accusation.  This time it was in regard to a ministry I had been involved in, and I was stunned that anyone would attack what I felt was a bright spot in my record of service.  I had felt nothing but positive about the way that ministry had gone, and I was very upset when I was told that someone was questioning my reliability in regard to it.  I knew where the complaints were coming from, and it was just further hurt on top of what already was an incredibly disappointing situation.

“So there I was, Monday, May 2, 2011.  I won’t forget the date.  This was the third time in that season of trial that God would speak very directly to me and my concerns.  This was, truly, an undeniable event where He stepped in to my misery and lifted me up.

I was praying and crying out to God with my face to the carpet in my livingroom that morning.  I remember crying, “Will I get through this?  Lord??  What is the deal here?  What next?  How much more of this do I have to endure?  How long will this go on?  What do you want from me?  Lord!?  This is so unfair!”  I was as distraught and as weary as I’d ever been.  Then, the phone rang.

It was the director of the ministry.  She asked if she could come by and talk to me about the accusation that was brought to her attention.  I said, “Let me check my email and call you back.”  I explained to her that I had a tentative coffee date with a friend planned for that morning.  My friend was going to email me to confirm it, so I would need to check my email to be sure she wasn’t gonna be looking for me at the coffee shop.

I hung up, still wiping the tears from my cheeks.  I opened my email, and the first line in my inbox looked like this… 

That’s what my eyes fell on.

My friend Shari’s name and “me” wasn’t in the line, those came after I had quickly shared it with her in my excitement after I read what it said.  Shari was the friend who couldn’t do coffee that morning.

So imagine.  You’ve just cried out in deep agony, “Lord!  Will. I. Get. Through. This?”  And minutes later, this email is staring you in the face.

Can you say…Personal.  God?

Yeah.

Then I decided, since I didn’t see anything from Shari, I’d take a moment to read the devotional in hopes of gathering myself together before calling the director back.  Whoa.  I was stunned.  Here’s a snapshot of the page I received that morning…

So, there I am, tears drying on my cheeks…new tears dripping down.  Tears of awe.  Tears of wonder…and then I read on…

I believed God could do anything, but in those days, I was hard-pressed, beaten down, and I began to wonder if the Lord had forgotten me.  The closing of this devotional rocked my world, and I knew without a doubt, God had not forgotten me.  He was getting my undivided attention like never before.

Remember my two marathon verses?  The joy of the Lord is my strength and He gives me feet like the feet of a deer…and my marathon time of 3:19?   Read on…

My eyes zoomed in on the bold print in the last paragraph.

God, the Lord, is my strength. (v.19)

Wait.  What?  Those words jumped out at me.  So familiar…  This is Habakkuk 3:19??  Sure sounds a lot like Nehemiah 8:10.  I wonder what the whole verse says, ’cause this seems like an awfully short passage.   I typed “Habakkuk 3:19” into my Google search bar, and this is what I saw:

The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.

No way!  Whoa…3:19 – marathon finish time

My two marathon verses put together and marked with my marathon time.  

WOW!  Personal.  God.

How could I ever doubt that God is real and personal and cares for me?

I did meet with the director that morning in May.  After sharing what I was dealing with, and what God had done that morning, she said to me, “DeDe, this is going to be the most significant growth period in your faith journey.  God is strengthening you.  He did it for me.  I know you will look back on this time and be grateful for the pain and struggle.  He’s sharpening you like iron!”  Then, she prayed a sweet prayer with me.  I was completely blessed that morning.

And today, I can say without doubt, she was right.  She confirmed the verse God had directed me to almost six months earlier in that same long and stormy season.

The first time I felt God speaking right into my very hurting heart was when I went away to our lake home to pray.  I had been crying out that morning as well.  How can this be, Lord?  Why would you let me fall into such a place as this?  This is so hopeless and ridiculous?  Really?  Why would you let this come into my life?  

Moments later, I resumed doing my homework from a Bible study I had been doing at that time.  Again, I was stunned as I read this, and I felt God was speaking directly to me:

Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know by the prayers of the saints, and through the power of the Holy Spirit, all of this shall work out for my deliverance.  I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed but will have sufficient courage, so that now, as always, I will exalt the Lord all the more…  Philippians 1:18-20

“Look at me now!” I said to the three gentlemen who were listening intently.   “I am here today and I am exalting the Lord all the more, with you today.  And back then, I would have been way too shy and insecure to ever have this kind of conversation.”

The heads continued to nod, and then Joe said, “Well, you know.  Like I said, I don’t give God no credit, but I guess since my wife died ten years ago, and then I lost my girlfriend to MS three years later, maybe I just been mad at Him.  Maybe I should give Him more of a thought – more credit, but I just dunno.”

Hearing Joe battle with his anger toward God, I shared another quick testimony of a time when I was angry at God, and the next day, in my Bible study homework, I had to look up Isaiah 45:9.

“Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker, those who are nothing but potsherds among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’

I told Joe, “God was saying to me…You are just a broken vessel, DeDe.  Like a shard of clay in the dust.  He was trying to form me into something useful, out of dust and ashes.  This is something all of us must endure – a time of brokenness, before we will let Him work in us.   After reading that verse, I was convicted about being impatient and angry with Him, rather than trusting Him even after He’d continually confirmed for me that He was at work, and that all of this shall work out for good.”

I assured Joe, “We all have times when we get angry or impatient with God, but He knows that and is patient with us.  He’s simply trying to work in our lives, so that we can actually be useful to Him.  For most of us, it takes a time of total destruction and isolation before we’ll really let Him have control of our lives.  He can be trusted, but we want to go our own way, and that only gets us so far.  At some point, we all come to the end of our own strength.”

The other believer, Lou, shared how God walked him through a divorce and the death of a 9 year-old nephew, and he said, “Life isn’t suddenly easy when you trust God, but when hard times come, He sure helps us through it.  Life is gonna be tough, no matter what, and I know I couldn’t make it through without my faith in God.”

The conversation broke up finally, and as I was packing up to leave when my shift was done, Joe came by the desk and said, “Ya think if I call that girl she’d take me back?”  I smiled and said, “You know, I think she probably would be glad to hear from you.  Seems to me, maybe God put her in your life to help soften your heart and bring you back into relationship with Him.”  He smiled and said, “Yeah.  That was what I was thinking, too.”

Wow.

Fruitful labor?

Indeed.